It's been a long night... Spending some quality time re-configuring the server for maximum performance. In a previous life, its job was streaming videos, but that's tapering off. It hasn't had to do any real work, so I never configured it for anything complex.
Before the modifications - page loads were around 0.4 to 2 seconds. Now that I'm done modifying, I haven't seen a page load time greater than 0.04 seconds - faster by a factor of 10. Not bad.
Here's a picture of a young hottie in a bikini.